Butterfly Kisses

So goes the sweet song of Bob Carlisle. 

Tripping down memory lane is always a welcome respite...Everything was so perfect then. I thought magic of innocence never end.

I practically grew up in a farm with nothing between us but beach, streams, valleys and lush green forest. My father, though working in a government office at that time, maintained a farm with a breathtaking landscape and scenery. I could see wonderful sunrise and spectacular sunset in a day and a dramatic moonlight which magnified like a silver thread in the nearby river at night. it was an amazing childhood years. No complication, no worries, no anxieties.

Spending a quiet afternoon at the beach with my beloved brother last Christmas 2009. My childhood memories still confined at the lush green farm where I grew up, no matter where my footsteps drag me in the future, my longings still belong to the place where I spent most of the happiest moments of my life.

My father, who also served the Catholic church as a lay minister, never allowed us to go out unaccompanied so I and my sister remained secluded in our farm, playing only with our cousins. 

Our farm is composed of rolling hills, an orchard, rice and coconut fields, fruits, vegetables, rootcrops, a poultry farm, livestock. Sadly, when I was in high school my father sold all our properties and moved to a nearby town. It was a little bit sad and up to now, I still haunted by those memories.

Literally, I was raised up in a very strict Catholic environment where decency and modesty are the key rules, talking sex was a taboo and taking a boyfriend while still in school was extremely damaging. 

So I made this crazy covenant with the Lord when I was in second year high school, “Lord please don’t allow me to have a boyfriend while still studying”. And it seems God heard all my prayers because He didn't allow anybody to come into my life. it felt like I was constantly protected with a giant halo. When I entered college, I was even more determined to stay loyal with the covenant I made.

I deliberately refused to be closed to guys, as a result, I didn’t remember any of the boys in the class when I finished college. Then I got a job in the university where love is as difficult to find as a functional bathroom. I was assigned in the engineering office and I remember turning white when the acceptance letter handed down,you know why?

Marihatag Tree Park beach resort, few miles from our home 

Because I will be working with boys! Urghhh I’d never thought about them before and now I will join their frightening world, how horrifying. Aside from my brothers and cousins, I couldn’t remember any names of boys in my circle. So many restrictions when I was still in school, "don’t talk to them or go with them or never get to close to them", it was as if men are explicitly dangerous creatures, more terrible than vampires and zombies.

But everything went smoothly because the “boys” turned out to be nice and easy to be with. Alas! I got another covenant with God, “Lord don’t show Mr. Right until I can publish a book or write articles in a magazine”, sounds stupid, but I kept repeating this line in my prayers to make sure it will be heard accurately.

I was not sure if that’s what I really needed after all.

Eventually I got suitors (of course!kala nyo wala) but no sparks from within, besides, I want to be alone first, concentrating building crazy dreams, so I was unconcerned with their pestering intentions. When guys insisted, my mind would automatically grasp countless reasons: “oppps!he is not cute…he has this bulging eyes as if pop eye came to existence…oh I don’t like his smoking habit, grrrrrr he has this disgusting shape of hands" and the silly reasons goes on and on and on, until the road of finding Mr. Right became bleak and blurred.