10 Warning Signs that He is Not Into You

This is my first entry for the month of February. And since Valentine's Day is just a week away, I will talk wistfully about "LOVE" and its baffling issues to girls, including me, who have never been into a relationship.

For all of us who have been so impatiently waiting for ages to find someone to be with, the question "Is He into Me?" sounds like the most agonizing thing to contemplate whenever a man with a confusing motive strikes in the horizon. So confusing that answers to this question appear to be just as elusive as the idea of finding “The One”.

I already surpassed the critical stage of a woman's life where the desire for marriage is as urgent as waiting for the next bus ride during rush hour. Throughout the years I've learned to enjoy my life living alone, and without bothering myself too much what happened if I would sail into the sunset of my life alone. I have learned to live independently. And learned to focus on things I can control. My mindset and my life views. I have learned to combat my insecurities and made myself a whole person. But still I cannot help but wonder if I can still stumble on "the one". 

Will I ever meet "the one" in my lifetime?

While other girls changed boyfriends as fast as they changed outfit, I am yet to go out for my first date. I am yet to discover how it would feel like sitting opposite to a special guy locking stares while talking sweet-little-nothing. I have never been into a relationship, nor any mutual understanding towards someone. I have never been close to a guy before. But I never viewed it (relationship) as a missing part of my life. I viewed it as a gift, an opportunity to reconstruct my life plan and a great wisdom to live by.

Last night, I stayed up late to watch The 700 Club Asia and so amused with the topic of the night ”Why is there a man and He is not mine”, this is also a title of a book written by Orpah Marasigan. You know, that perplexing thought of attraction and body language and all those feel-like-seems-like manifestations,  then suddenly you realized it's pretty stupid to wait for something that has not been there yet. That's not going to happen in the first place.

Then the hosts, Peter Kairuz and Camilla Kim-Galvez, uttered something that's so quite familiar: "DON'T ASSUME"!!

Boooom!! 😱😥

Unless a man will say it specifically that he likes you, then do not assume for anything. He might just nice, acting like a perfect gentleman. But nothing else. Girls tend to over-analyze things and interpret niceties shown by a man as a hint for a deeper motive. But most often than not, it is not. And guys only show deeper meaning if they like a girl. But unless a man will say it. Then do not assume!

I have learned over the years that if a man is not into you then he would never do anything to make things happen. I mean the relationship. Men are so spontaneous, if they like a girl, they will say it or at least make a move to channel the message. But if there's nothing there, it won't take any genius to guess a man's motive. If he is not into you then that's it. Silence is a message itself.

In my life, I have learned to just focus on things I can only control - my mindset, my views, my realistic goals, my plans. And had stopped years ago to expect anything else. Because as I see it, men cannot be dictated who they will like. But still I am open to the possibility that God prepares  someone better for me. My deep faith and developed wisdom taught me the value of waiting.

“Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts.” 

- Elisabeth Elliot

And so here I am, trying to sort out things, pondering whether to wait or just accept my fate as it is and just explore the world and celebrate singlehood. And be grateful with life. It is a gift itself and should be appreciated. Sometimes I would go to bed wondering what I would be getting the next day. The anticipation of a beautiful tomorrow makes my last conscious hour softer and calmer. 

The best thing to do now is to chill and embrace life as it happens. So while searching for something interesting online, I landed at girlsguideto.com and found these self-pondering thoughts about “He is not just into You”. Also a title of a book that turned into a movie. 

Darn! Why I even bothered confronting myself with these thoughts? Aside from the fact that no one is currently buzzing around, the question seems like a salt that has been rub into an open wound in my skin. 

But I thought this is worthy to share so that, according to the site, “girls will not waste their time with a guy who is not worthy of attention and affection and whose desire darted elsewhere”.

HE IS NOT INTO YOU...

1. If he's not asking you out.

If a man is excited about a woman, he can’t stop himself— he wants more and he’s going to want to take it further. If he’s not making a move, it’s not because he is ‘scared’. The only thing he is scared of is how not attracted to you he is.

2. If he’s not communicating 

He says he did not have a moment in his busy day to call or text you, then you will find out he is frantically texting and communicating nonstop to someone over there. The real reason is that you are not on his mind, and would not want to talk to you.  Beware, this guy is very comfortable with the idea of disappointing you. Save yourself from heartache. Move on.

3. If he makes lots of empty promises.

He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action. He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date! Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but deliver…nothing! Think about this. If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

4. If he makes last minute plans to see you.

You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would be readily available anytime. Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.

5. If he avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!

He really does not want to get to know you better because if he does, he will ask questions about you, your life, your hobbies, your interest and what you want, curious to find out the real you. But if not, then, well, he is not just into you.

6. If you initiate and he doesn't follow through.

If you're really into a guy and you think he may be shy, try initiating a conversation, phone call or texting session. If you start the conversation, he'll want to continue it. However, if he doesn't return your calls or texts or tries to end the conversation quickly, it's a red flag sign that he is not into you. So move on. There are still plenty of worthy things to work on.

7. If he says he just wants to be friends with you.

Urggh!! But yeah, he means it. Don't look for excuses. If a man says he just wants to be friend with you he means it and he is just brutally honest with you. If you think being friends will lead to a more wonderful situation between the two of you, it won’t. He isn’t  just into you in almost every case. When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

8. If he keeps searching for a woman who can meet his criteria.

Or you even catch him at it, he’s not ready to settle down with you. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with ex-girlfriends or even with women in his circle, he’s not ready to invest time in you or ready to have any kind of future. Oh girl wake up! He’s just not worth of your time. If he continue looking for someone else, save yourself from heartaches and move on. You’ll find someone who will be so thankful for you and will accept you just as you are even if you have no astounding achievement in life, not attractive or have no riches to boast.

9. If he does not want to marry you.

If the guy will say he does not want to get married or does not believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, rest assured, someday he will get married, sadly, to someone else and not to you.

10. If he seems irritated whenever you ask something
Let's admit it, a guy who likes you, is always available when there's something you needed and will be willingly help you. But if someone sounds easily annoyed when you ask something, but then very available to other women's inquiries, it's a clean sign that he is not into you.

Okay, girls, can you finally gauge a man's real intention if he is really into you? 😜😝