I’ve been silently
grieving the death of my maternal grandmother, Aurea Plaza Respecia, we affectionately called her Lola Auring. She died peacefully in her sleep
last March 23, 2014, Sunday, at the ripe age of 94.
No one in my circle
of friends in the metro knows about it, I never mentioned this sad event as I
don’t want to be reminded with the sting of heartache that pricking underneath,
of how painful it is to be far from home at this time of sorrow and failed to
witness her final departure on earth, of not seeing a glimpse of her face for
the last time. I don’t want to be consoled from the desolation I felt, because
it will make the loss even harder to embrace and will make my tears tougher to
suppress.
I appeared calm and
happy despite this silent pain. My grandmother’s wake is in my home province,
in Surigao del Sur, and it’s so sickening to know that I could not attend the
burial.
She was the last of
my grandparents to die. My lolo (her husband) died in 2003, my paternal grandfather died in
1979 and my paternal grandmother passed away in 2005.
The last time I saw
my lola was in January 1, 2013 when I visited her on New Year’s day. At her
advanced age, she had still this very incredible memory, upon hearing my voice,
she instantly recognized me. I hugged her and asked how’s she’s doing, she
smiled and caressed my head, like she always did when I was still a child.
I missed her. She was
an amazing woman. She was an excellent home maker, a terrific cook! My favorites
were her unique recipes for rice cake and suman,
she would mill cocoa for home-made chocolate drinks. Back in my childhood
days, I used to spend my summer vacation with her and grandpa in a neighboring
town. We would go to the farm together and would spend afternoons in stories
and laughter. According to neighbors and everyone in the family, I inherited my
grandmother’s fair complexion and brown eyes, she had a mixed of Chinese and
Spanish ancestries.
With my dear grandmother last January 1, 2013
In the middle of this
year, my mother texted me that lola would barely manage to stand, she would not
eat her meals and would spend the whole day sleeping, from my mother’s nature
of message, I knew death is coming.
It’s so odd to think,
but given the circumstances of her age, the inevitable moment of death is a
possibility. When my mother informed us it was more like a confirmation of that
foreseeable event. But even though it was certain, still it brought some degree
of distress to my system, talking death of love ones is still a taboo in our
society no matter how certain it is.
We don’t last
forever, everyone has to die, but still when death comes it is always
heartbreaking and awful. Maybe because our human nature abhors too much pain
and sufferings and we’ve this emotional attachment to love ones that is so hard
to bargain with reality. But we must learn how to compromise with the truth
because life on earth is so temporary.
Almost two weeks on
since her passing ( she was buried last March 31), I am slowly coming to terms with the loss and just wishing
for grandma’s eternal repose of soul. May she find eternal happiness in the
afterlife. Her memories will continue to live in my heart.
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