To use the phrase from the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo:
“Things are really
crazy right now.
I’ve just got a ton of shit going on”!
I’ve just got a ton of shit going on”!
Yeah, things are really crazy right now. So many things are going on inside my head. The thought of the future, the thought of life, the idea of going somewhere, the things I have missed achieving. And yes, The one. That elusive The one.
One evening, while having dinner with my best friend, Rowena, our conversation started to become serious. And the topic about our mundane life suddenly sprung out of nowhere, and geared towards a direction we never usually care to talk about- having no boyfriend. Oh God! Crazy stuff! 😂
You know, I've never been into a relationship so this aspect of human life is some sort of a mind-bogging to me. But I don't want to sound like a hopeless damsel so I won't touch sensitive issues of "why-no-one-dash-towards-me" stuff.
I've had enough of those in the past years and I am bloody tired confronting myself with all those dreary questions of why no one seems interested to take me in.
So, we just laughed it off, until our conversation moved towards something like ---- ahhh, wondering how to understand the complexities of a man's world. Darn!
Our serious conversation was interrupted with a tray of food laid by the waiter so we did not pursue the topic. I still find it uncomfortable to talk about men and why I have never been into a relationship even in a private conversation with friends. I have nothing to say anyway so there was nothing to discuss.
When I returned home, I pulled my old diary and checked all the entries I've written between 2009 to 2013. And while flipping the pages, my gaze darted to my entry on a cold December morning.
After taking a deep, long breath, my mind suddenly remembered this book, "He’s Just Not That Into You". Because...uhmm, it was just so appropriate on what I had gone through that year. I've no copy of this book, I've just read few chapters of it somewhere.
I laughed at myself while recalling the content of this book, really, because it talks about, well, girls' excuses over men's actions. It's a bit funny, because it feels like, yeah, I am that jerk woman in that book who loves to create excuses for a guy's actions of not dashing towards me just to assure myself I was not being overlooked or virtually rejected.
One evening, while having dinner with my best friend, Rowena, our conversation started to become serious. And the topic about our mundane life suddenly sprung out of nowhere, and geared towards a direction we never usually care to talk about- having no boyfriend. Oh God! Crazy stuff! 😂
You know, I've never been into a relationship so this aspect of human life is some sort of a mind-bogging to me. But I don't want to sound like a hopeless damsel so I won't touch sensitive issues of "why-no-one-dash-towards-me" stuff.
I've had enough of those in the past years and I am bloody tired confronting myself with all those dreary questions of why no one seems interested to take me in.
So, we just laughed it off, until our conversation moved towards something like ---- ahhh, wondering how to understand the complexities of a man's world. Darn!
Our serious conversation was interrupted with a tray of food laid by the waiter so we did not pursue the topic. I still find it uncomfortable to talk about men and why I have never been into a relationship even in a private conversation with friends. I have nothing to say anyway so there was nothing to discuss.
When I returned home, I pulled my old diary and checked all the entries I've written between 2009 to 2013. And while flipping the pages, my gaze darted to my entry on a cold December morning.
After taking a deep, long breath, my mind suddenly remembered this book, "He’s Just Not That Into You". Because...uhmm, it was just so appropriate on what I had gone through that year. I've no copy of this book, I've just read few chapters of it somewhere.
I laughed at myself while recalling the content of this book, really, because it talks about, well, girls' excuses over men's actions. It's a bit funny, because it feels like, yeah, I am that jerk woman in that book who loves to create excuses for a guy's actions of not dashing towards me just to assure myself I was not being overlooked or virtually rejected.
In case, you are not familiar with this book, the opening chapter will really amuse your boring evening, although there’s a little kick in the gut:
“He’s the guy that’s so tired
from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been
through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce
has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his
career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is all about. He does not want to ruin the friendship. He wants to plan first for the future. Oh God, he’s so complicated!”
Blah blah blah! 😂😅😆
Blah blah blah! 😂😅😆
But here is some bad news. According to the book, this kind of man doesn’t exist in reality. This complicated guy simply did not exist. He is just entirely made of girls’ excuses.
Because although there’s really a
guy that fits to the descriptions and stuck in that familiar
situation, according to Greg, “If a man is really excited about someone, he can’t
stop himself from wanting that someone and if that guy is attracted to his friend (girl of course), he wants to take it further and never think if the friendship will ruin or something".
Ouch!
So, here's the cliche. If a man doesn’t say anything or no hint of any atomic reactor heating up in his horizon, well, there's only one clear explanation, "He is just not that into you".
So stop making excuses with his actions, don’t over analyze, because the plain truth is, if he does not say anything or if he continues to dither, only one thing is sure - He is just not that into you!
So, here's the cliche. If a man doesn’t say anything or no hint of any atomic reactor heating up in his horizon, well, there's only one clear explanation, "He is just not that into you".
So stop making excuses with his actions, don’t over analyze, because the plain truth is, if he does not say anything or if he continues to dither, only one thing is sure - He is just not that into you!
And according to the book “Almost all guys
will rather choose to cut their arms in a window of a bus than admit to a
woman straight to her face that he is not attracted to her or she’s still not the one".
Here are signs if a guy is not into you:
1. If he's not asking you out.
If a man is excited about you, he can’t stop himself from wanting you or to be with you. He wants more and he’s going to take it further - taking you to a date is the most common move. But if he’s not making any move, it’s not because he is ‘scared’. But he is simply not that into you.
2. If he’s not communicating
He says he did not have a moment in his busy day to call or text you, then you will find out he is frantically texting and communicating nonstop to someone over there. The real reason is that you are not on his mind, and would not want to talk to you. Beware, this guy is very comfortable with the idea of disappointing you. Save yourself from heartache. Move on.
3. If he makes lots of empty promises.
He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action. He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon do, but he doesn’t plan a date! Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but deliver…nothing! Think about this. If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.
4. If he makes last minute plans to see you.
You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would be readily available anytime. Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.
5. If he avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations.
He really does not want to get to know you better because if he does, he will ask questions about you, your life and what you want, curious to find out the real you. He will pursue you in a subtle you, enough not to annoy you. Be near you and initiate a conversation. But if he is not doing anything and even avoiding to get near you instead, it's a red flag sign that he is not into you.
6. If you initiate and he doesn't follow through.
If you're really into a guy and you think he might just naturally shy, try initiating a conversation, phone call or text session perhaps, or any form of conversation in the social media (the most popular tool of communication in the modern age). If you start the conversation, he'll want to continue it. However, if he doesn't return your calls, or if he tries to end the conversation quickly, or worst, doesn't respond to your texts or any form of messages, it's a red flag sign that he is not into you. So move on. Get a life somewhere. There are still plenty of worthy things to work on, than spend time analyzing his behavior. There's only one sure answer, anyway. He is not that into you.
7. If he says he just wants to be friends with you.
Urggh!! But yeah, he means it. Don't look for excuses just to pacify your torn heart. If a man says he just wants to be friend with you he means it and he is just brutally honest with you. If you think being friends will lead to a more wonderful situation between the two of you, it won’t. He isn’t just into you in almost every case. When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.
8. If he keeps searching for a woman who can meet his criteria.
Despite your presence and your budding friendship and connection, he is still looking for another, or keeps talking about that someone he has a crush on. Or you even catch him at it, then it only means you are not his type and he is not ready to take you into his life. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with ex-girlfriends or even with women in his circle, he’s not ready to invest time with you or ready to have any kind of future with you. Oh, girl wake up! If he continues looking for someone else, save yourself from heartaches. Move on. Someday, you will meet someone who will accept you just as you are. And take you into his world.
9. If he does not want to marry you.
If a guy will say he does not want to get married or does not believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, will, rest assured, someday he will get married, sadly, to someone else and not to you.
10. If he seems irritated whenever you ask something
Let's admit it, a guy who likes you is ultra-thoughtful and caring and always available when you need something. He will be willingly help you. But if someone sounds like easily annoyed when you ask something, but then very available to other women's inquiries, it's a clear sign that he is not into you.
You see, the above signs are based on the analysis of relationship counseling experts, so most likely, the items are true. I paused for a while after writing the above signs. And took a deep breath, pondering on things that went through with my life and absorbing each circumstance, thinking hard if, yeah, I am also assuming things wrongly. Perhaps, yes.
To wrap this article, here's a nice quote from that book:
“If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.”
“If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.”
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