My Birthday on Good Friday

Happy Easter everyone!

I had a meaningful observance of the Holy Week this year because last Good Friday was my birthday. I spent most of the day in the church and it felt so good. I'm very thankful that my birthday this year fell on Good Friday, it made my day extra special, very meaningful because it was a day of remembering Christ’s suffering to save mankind. It was a moment of spiritual renewal and total self-sacrifice. Good Friday is always special because it offers a room for deep understanding about the Christian faith.

I don’t like celebrating my birthday. Because I hate parties. I remember crying when my parents threw a birthday party for me when I graduated from elementary and high school. I just don’t want to be the center of everybody’s attention in a celebration. As much as I love organizing a birthday party and other social events for others, I hate it when thinking of celebrating my own birthday.

Since graduating from high school, the routine is simple when April 3 comes, stay in my room in deep contemplation, attend the mass in the afternoon, light a candle and thank the Lord for giving me another year to live. Although circumstances seem not cooperating with my longings, I am not losing hope. I believe each day brings a new opportunity to make things happen, I just have to be focused and determined.. 

I am a conservative Roman Catholic who still follows the traditional Holy Week celebration, spending more hours in the church than anywhere else and closely observing the Fasting and Abstinence obligatory practices. 

Last Friday,  I took one full-meal during breakfast but at 12:00 noon, my stomach rumbled so I ate one hard-boiled egg then went off to the church to attend the Seven Last Words. At 3:00 PM, my energy began to drop but I ignored it and kept myself hydrated with the water I brought. I felt better, then continued attending the Lord’s Passion. 

At 5:00 in the afternoon, I joined parishioners in the procession and so shocked to find out the route was so long than I expected. We arrived in the church at 7:30 in the evening! I felt so wasted but surprisingly my energy was still very high. I seated for a while in the church to rest my aching body and went home at almost 8:00 in the evening. What a fulfilling and inspiring birthday!

My life in pictures! Lots of stories to tell how far I have traveled in my 

life journey. Asking if I have done anything remarkable, I am not certain really, but I know I am living according to Christian values.

This year, my birthday prayer brought me to another level, more profound, more selfless, an indication that I’ve matured enough with my faith. I reflected on the value of human life, the importance of my belief, my own destiny, how my life is running, the struggles I took, my failures, my longings, my dreams, and the people I chose to relate with.

I realized I should stop grieving over things I have no control, such as why the very people I cared about are the one who never recognize my worth as a person, who would often reject me. Why I often misunderstood. These are outside forces and beyond my control. I cannot dictate how others treat and see me because it’s a personal choice. But just because people turned away does not mean I will stop caring and appreciating. My being compassionate does not change. My heart has not overtaken by remorse, gloom or regret. It still flickers graciousness.

Life is just so hard but I gotta keep on believing that someday things will be on my side, seeing a different light of hope, watching my life rotates in an exciting direction, more fun, more fulfilling. I still believe that kindness and empathy are everywhere and I can still meet nice people who will treat me special and accept me of who I am despite my shortcomings.

This year, I am hoping every dream, wish I desired would finally come true. I am not losing hope for a better life, for someone to cross my path who would really appreciate my worth despite my scarcities in life. Who would be there towards the end of the day, sharing laughter, dreams that might never happen and plans that might not be pursued, just being there to be with and to listen to my stories about life, about the wonders of the world, about the things we love doing and about escaping somewhere to relax and witness the beauty of the environment.

I know it won’t take long to achieve all those wishes, all I have to do is just keep on believing that I can make things happen. I know it will occur in God’s perfect time, His plan is grander and better than mine. There's always plenty of wonderful reasons why God allow us to wait longer. He is preparing something beautiful to transpire. Everything happens for a reason.

For my birthday this year, I have so many realizations. I recognized my defeat on some aspects. I realized I could never get everything in this world. I accepted the fact that no matter how I threw effort to be nice, to give meaning to the word “thoughtfulness” others would never see it completely. People feel differently, we view and understand things differently and we cannot insist how we would be viewed by others. We must respect it, and be grateful that once in a lifetime we met amazing people. I will just count beautiful memories and niceties.

I don’t have riches, I have nothing to offer, but I am one person who is so devoted and extraordinarily caring to folks I always considered special. I am a bit sentimental and taken “caring and loyalty” so seriously. I easily give my trust to someone without a trace of regrets. However, despite all these enthusiasms and devotions, it’s sad to know in the end that no one recognizes it. 

I am often overlooked, misunderstood perhaps and suffered rejection maybe because others are looking for perfection or something I don’t have, but I am not grieving. I understand the story of survival. There are essentials that we must have in order to survive. Sometimes compassion and kindness are often ignored because humans are innately insatiable who keep on looking for something great.

How many times I stumbled on the pit of rejection? Ahh almost my entire life which left me terribly wondering what’s wrong with me, why things never last, feels like no one wants to take me in. Maybe I gripped too hard, or maybe destinies are not yet perfectly aligned. But I have no regrets. Life is really like that.

This year, I learned so many lessons in life but I am not tired caring people, showing compassion, for me it’s a sacred mission, a personal challenge that must be accepted. Wars, hatred, savagery, brutalities and ruthlessness are everywhere and already taken over the beauty of our planet, but we can compensate it by doing good and exhibiting kindness to feel better and to keep on believing this world is such a lovely place to live in. People are good at heart, only that we see things differently.

I would like to thank the people who stick around, my friends who truly valued me, who have recognized my worth and who accepted the real me despite my imperfection and scarcities. Thank you to Helen Montero and Rowena Tagaan for all the support and for always being there for me, for constantly remembering my birthday, it means a lot to me, it inspires me to get on with life. Thanks to long-time friends, Anelyn Arcon and Lea Maika for sending warm messages. 

Up Close and Personal with Me 

Okay, let’s leave behind those sentimental sharing stuff, here are some facts about me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have narcissism complex, I just want to share something about myself because I just turned a year older!

I don’t like chocolates. I don’t drink soft drinks

I prefer Green Tea over Coffee

I love Japanese cuisine especially Maki, all kinds of maki.

I prefer pasta over pizza and burger, whole wheat bread over white bread

I hate bars, night clubs and all sorts of night life

Other than wine, I have never tried drinking alcoholic beverages in my life

You cannot force me to drink liquors, oh God not even beer!

I have less tolerance in alcohol, whenever I drink wine, I try to check the abv first (alcohol by volume) making sure it won’t exceed 5%

I don’t like a very cold environment, but I prefer rainy season over blistering summer.

I dreamed to visit a place where there are autumn and spring seasons

I love nature and photography. I like capturing the stories of the environment

I like traveling, discovering unknown places and learning other cultures

I wish to publish books about Travel and hopefully become a guidebook writer

I love history a lot, I often read complicated history of the world,

\My favorite part of the house is the kitchen, I love to cook, I like the kitchen atmosphere.

I lived independently, I do my own laundry and other household chores

I write a lot, I like creating plot and twist, very liberating!

I love movies it’s a great escape, I prefer historical and suspense genres, the more mind-blowing, the better! I love a story plot that challenges my brain

I dreamed to own a house in the suburb with lots of glass windows and a beautiful garden, landscape of trees and flowers

I like the atmosphere in the countryside, mountains, beaches enthrall me to no end.

Some of my travel dreams include visiting Tuscany region and Vatican in Italy, the mountainous region of Switzerland the lovely beaches and countryside of the United Kingdom, Cornwall, Grasmere, Berkshire, Dorset, Isle of Mull, Isle of Skye, St. Kilda.

I have never dated in my life so naturally I never tried having a boyfriend, it’s pretty funny but that’s the truth and I stopped analyzing things. Life has to move on.