Did time change my ways?
I guess not. I'm still the same girl who can be morose and erupt when provoke. I'm still the same person who cries every night because someone rejected me.
The only difference is that I know now how to control my views, how to balance my judgment and how to soften my approach in life.
But I'm far from being a saint, I still have this dangerous streak when being pushed to my limits.
Over the years, I learned the art of adjusting well with my surroundings, with the people I encountered, with the things I can't control, and view each bad circumstance as a vehicle for change and personal growth, an avenue of new learning and gaining wisdom.
Treating every failure as a rudder that will lead me to where I should be growing as a worthy human being instead of viewing it as a lethal pole that pushes me down the pit.
I also developed a skill of positive relating where building bridges in communication towards one another is more important than putting up walls.
I also grew tired spitting out my frustrations in my blog because I feel it won't take me anywhere. It won't change the way people look at me.
This is the very reason why I have stopped posting rants or spiteful thoughts in my social media accounts, because I feel it's pretty childish to unload personal grievances in social media.
Internet should be the venue of building communication and spreading inspiring information and not a repository of hate, acrimony and bitterness.
I'd rather resolve my personal troubles privately than trumpet it publicly. Social media can't fix burden and loneliness and disappointments, in fact, it might even make things worst because it will open a ground for misconception, dispute and intrigues.
But I've noticed that no matter how much I've tried to act fairly, animosity still creeps in. Something that doesn't surprise me anymore.
As long as we continue living, continue building a harmonious life, continue creating a room for learning, for improvement, for personal growth, for relating, constant disagreement, differences and misunderstanding and misconceptions are inevitable.
It's part of life and daily interactions. We are alive and we've emotions, it's normal to collide on views, our reaction sometimes is based on how we feel at the moment, how we interpret things, the outside factors and how others respond.
We also react based on how we perceive events in our surroundings, how sharp our common sense and how emotionally mature we are in handling the situation. It meets with how we interact with others and how they view our responses.
Sometimes the response is often not what we expected perhaps because we differ in knowledge, culture, upbringing and mindset.
We aren't in the equal footing of learning. The level of wisdom we possessed are way too different. So our reaction to a certain situation isn't always the same.
We act based on how our subconscious feeds our senses, not merely logic. Sometimes based on how we interpret the events. Sometimes based on our mental maturity.
It boils down to who we are as a person and what attitude we possess. We came from a different upbringing, different level of thinking, and life's views, so it's always possible that we'll clash. It's possible that we differ on judgment.
So we need to understand life in a broader sense, we need to understand that we can't control its axis, and it doesn't rotate the way we want it to be, no matter how much we will try.
It has its own structure, it has its own timetable, and we need to understand its flow to adjust our views and not to break in pain.
At times, circumstances will bring us down, we will get hurt, and hit rock bottom. But that's what life is all about.
We will experience moments at its lowest to teach us lessons, to let us see where we should step our best foot forward, to realize the consequences of our actions. And to possess better judgment.
I'm battling personal demons too because no matter how much I tried to appear nice and accommodating, there are times that I'm being pushed to the edge.
Not that I'm excessively conceited but my behavior is just a reaction to what others have shown me. I can be very gentle and chummy but when I see people behaving as though they're the innocent party in the story and I'm the monster, It's time to move away.
I've come to a point in my life where I don't care if a person will talk to me or spite me. I also know how to play hard ball.
Life is too short to be wasted on individuals who suck energy. So it's either dismiss them as nuisances or treat them as if they don't exist.
Though I hate building walls with people, if the one standing behind the wall is as useless as a doormat and not worthy of my time, then better leave it that way.
Anyway, life teaches us that we don't meet people by chance, we meet them by reasons, they'll either serve as blessings or provide us lessons.
Those who serve as blessings will continue to be with us in our journey but those who serve as lessons are those who are not meant to be with us.
So let them stay behind the wall. And move on. Be with the people who appreciate our value and understand our personality and stay away from the nonsense.
I want to attract positivism within myself and spread it to those who are willing to join me in my little world.
Like others who bathed themselves with a sunshine of optimism, I am now seeing things differently. More on the brighter side of life.
I have stopped looking at the dark hues because there's nothing there to see, instead, I am gazing now at the bright rays filtering through the cracks in the wall. It brings vibrancy and a different level of motivation.
Though, yes, at times I hit rock bottom and have trouble dealing with terrible people in my surroundings, may it be colleagues or friends outside the workplace. I am taking things slow.
I don't want to spend each day analyzing why someone feels bad about me. Or stop getting in touch. There are still important things to think over and I don't want to drain my energy overanalyzing cranky situations.
Life has so many twists and turns and it's quite impossible not to fail at anything in life. But I've a better understanding now how the world works on and how to deal with life's kinks.
I want to live a positive, happy life. Just like the old adage about wine, "we are tougher and stronger as we age". Positive people get better with age.
I resolved that I should not spend each day wondering why things turn out badly or why a certain aspect in my life is not as rosy as others. Each person is unique and follows a different path in life.
So I will have to focus on my own and do what makes it brighter. Everything happens for a reason and I should not let negativism and failures ruin the prospect of happiness.
There's always a perfect time for everything. And reasons why a certain thing did not work.
Time to focus on the brighter side of life. We can't change people how they feel about us. So don't ever try.
Just live your life and be happy! 🙌😁
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