It's less than two months before 2018 would be over, still I could not wrap up my thoughts if this is a good year of my life, if things are aligned with the stars, if I am on the right path of my long term goals.
So here I am, sitting beside the window, pondering hard, wondering if I've tried my best to make a difference this year. If I've done my part of working things out to realize half of my dreams and what I've always wanted to do.
Right now things seem so unclear. I still could feel something is greatly missing in my life, something is not right, something is empty. As though that missing piece is still out there, still waiting to be grappled.
Though I have outgrown my somber tendencies and I am no longer a crying baby when things go wrong, I would still throw tantrums discreetly when I am on the edge of everything.
This year provided me with so many realizations, that not everything I wanted, even if I work hard for it, would be given to me. Not everyone I want to be with, would be there for me.
Each day is a realization that I should learn to bend with the circumstances. Because at the end of the day, I have nothing left but hope, I have no one left but myself. I should learn to live independently.
Perhaps, it is fate. Perhaps, it is circumstances. Whatever it is, I no longer believed in destiny. I have come to realize that life is not ruled by destiny but by decisions and choices. We would become who we are because of our decisions and not by chance. We become what we are based on how we see things on a daily basis. And how we make decisions.
But I have reached a point in my life also that I no longer care about the ancient patterns of life where the traditional approach is still the dominant factor in everyone's mentality, where the stereotype is still followed.
We live through moments in a day. We live through actual occurences and not by the old system. We should respond to the call of times. We should live at the moment. This is life. And we cannot get through the tough days if we still bind ourselves to the system of yesterday, to the culture that no longer works. Those are bygones.
I have outgrown my vulnerabilities. I have overcome my fears in some aspects. Over the years, I developed courage that helps me evolve into a mature individual with sense and wisdom. This is a harsh world that never gives room to the weak and vulnerable. I should stay tough.
I have come to realize that what matters in life now is the way I interact with people, the way things work, and the way I relate to them. This is how I view life now, appreciating the value of the people I met, the people I love to be with, and the people who appreciate my worth. I don't dwell on labels. And no longer measure relationships through the scale of things that do not matter in the long run - age, height, weight, and status.
This is how I respond to the call of times.
This is how I respond to the call of times.
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