My Year 2018: Breaking Away from Monotony

It's still roughly five hours left before finally bidding goodbye to 2018, but as I write this article for this site to sum up my year 2018 on a personal note, it is safe to say that the Year of the Dog has given me a different shade of life.

There was no ground-shaking event that happened to me this year. No significant moments to reckon with. No jaw-dropping changes in my lifestyle, except that I began wearing swimsuit on beach outings. And I am still single just like the past years and back to the day I was born. But I made some effort to tweak my lifestyle. Putting colors on my hair for the first time, expanding my usual tight circle of friends and getting comfortable with men around, back then I always dreaded to meet boys.

I also took a leap from my usual redundant routine,  broke up with the monotony of life and got out of my shell to taste the real sense of my freedom as a grown up girl. I learned to bend with time and resigned to the fact that being stubborn by refusing to accept what life is offering at the moment would never get me anywhere.

So how's my year 2018?

Aside from breaking away from the monotony of life, I had 12 exciting months to look back which could fill my journal with interesting stories. On a professional, career level, I am still struggling at the bottom of the corporate ladder.

Despite having a master's degree in business. I just could not get what is due to me. But I have long been stopped fretting why I am still at the basement of my corporate career. Perhaps, it is not where my professional growth should be sowed.

I always feel I am destined for something big. But not in the corporate world. Perhaps in another field and industry. That's why I am pursuing my passion in writing and photography. To jumpstart a whole new level of career. I am planning also to go back to school and teach in college. But for now, I will just enjoy my life in my current job to learn more about the industry.

The year 2018 saw myself doing the things I always wanted to do. And got it. Something I considered a great achievement. For so long, I withheld my plans to pursue my special interest in writing and photography because I did not know where to start. Or perhaps, I was lazy enough to discover my passion. This year however, I took a major leap. I have published books, refurbished my travel blog, joined the prestigious community of photographers in the National Geographic Travel and finally did vlogging.

And this year, saw myself evolved into a strong and independent person with a whole new level of maturity. I stopped asking too much in prayers. I stopped counting the things I could not have and rarely cried at night Haha! This what makes 2018 a hugely different year.

Yes, back then I used to cry every night. Nothing sentimental. Just a sort of self-pity. I often cried for my life, for what's coming ahead, for what's going on with my life, for failures, for disappointments, for everything. Even just hearing a sad song can get me emotional. I don't know, perhaps, something is missing deep within.

The year 2018 saw myself as a whole person who became resilient with times. Perhaps, I have finally matured emotionally, and developed my wisdom fully. But I guess, it would be best to say, I have stopped looking things beyond my control. I just focus on the things I can do, count my blessings and appreciate what I have. I totally stopped looking at things I could not get. And just accept the fact that, things happened for a reason and there are aspirations and longings that no matter how I prayed for, just could not be granted. That's the reality of life.

So what life feels now that the year will end and I am still single? 😂😂

I just laughed the thought of it. Though I find it annoying when people would pester me about it, I am cool  sharing stories with few friends in private. I never discussed personal matters openly in public, like when I am with acquaintances or in the social media. I also hate it when people ask me about my age. Social etiquette will tell us that asking sensitive, confidential information about others is always rude and highly inappropriate.

And yes, singlehood.

So what now? I don't know either. Sometimes, I feel I am destined not to be seen by somebody. Like I am totally useless, unworthy and undesirable. I have never been into a relationship in my life, not even dates. Now, this sounds crazy and horrible. But this is true.

When I was still in school, my parents prohibited me from getting acquainted with boys. So I grew up scared of men. I avoided them all my school life. When I entered college, I made up my mind not to think about boys and relationships until after I finished school.

When I gone out of college and started working in the university, I  find it uncomfortable to talk to men. So I held my ground and refused to mingle with them. I met few guys, but none of them took the friendship further than hi and hello. 

When I finished my master's degree I decided to get out of my comfort zone and relocated in Manila to experience life in a more complex environment. And learn from it. And expand my circle of friends. 

Still, I haven't crossed to the intersection of my journey where I would be sharing my life with someone.  I have read books about relationships, tons of it, to learn how to be more engaging. I made few adjustments, meeting boys, smiling at them, initiating a conversation with them, still nothing comes out. As if I was nobody.

So as the year closes, this becomes a realization. Finding someone to take part in our life is always a frustrating goal. Forced interaction with people who don't want us is always heartbreaking. So I made up my mind. Not to expect too much from friendship or acquaintances.  I would just let nature takes its course, and stop being impatient. I will just live my life everyday as it is.

As another year rolls, I must learn to live without an anchor. And learn to do things on my own. I have realized that if a person whom  I want to be with, keep rejecting me, keep avoiding me, there is nothing wrong with that person. The issue is within me. I should learn to accept what life is telling me at the moment. That the person perhaps who wants me has never come yet.

Acceptance on everything, appreciation on what I have and being grateful. These are the virtues I want to carry in the coming year. I don't believe in New Year's resolution because it sounds like an excuse for not doing well enough in a particular year. What I would like to put in my mind now is to achieve more than what I did in 2018. Pursue my passion in writing and photography and write more novels. And yes, more travel this year. Hopefully.

I will just ask God to let me understand His message, wait for His special gift, trust His plans, and understand more the value of waiting. I will just be patient, because afterall, God's time is always perfect.

May the coming year bless me more with great wisdom to accept and understand the things I cannot control, the gift of perseverance and good health to continue doing what I love to do. And yes, more travel adventures!!!

For the story of my adventure this year, click this link: My Life as a Gourmand Traveler This Year

Happy New Year! 🎉🎈