Lessons I learned From A Friend's Breakup Story

I'm always fascinated with relationships that have gone a long way, relationships that have been tested with time and still endured. Perhaps because I haven't been there. I haven't experienced it. So it kept me wondering how two persons meet and fall madly in love and build dreams together.

I belonged to the long-forgotten generation of dreamers who are literally poisoned by fairytales, that happy endings are real, that lovers never hurt each other. So when I hear stories of breakups, it gives me a real deal of time thinking why on earth lovers ditched each other, why they can't sustain the momentum of affection. Though I am completely aware that breakup is part of a relationship cycle, it is still breakup that shackled someone's heart, because, well, hurt hurts. 

Two weeks ago, I had a serious conversation with a friend, who is also a colleague, over his relationship that ended some years ago. It gave me something to ponder because of the circumstances and the way it ended. With so many questions rattling in my brain.

Goodbyes can be very difficult, so they say. But it can be more disgusting when circumstances were woven into a web of disloyalty and betrayal. Just imagine the emotional damage it inflicts to someone who is being jilted. It's painful. And there's nothing cute in heartaches. It sucks because it tainted the very foundation of trust in a relationship.

I wanted to tell my friend there's nothing wrong with him. He is a good person and a fascinating man. It's just that the other party overlooked the purity of his heart and intention. I wanted to tell him he is better off with someone else, somebody who deserves his love and devotion. Someone who could reciprocate the level of his loyalty and compassion.

Whatever the circumstances that ended the journey and led to severing ties, it's still a breakup, and with it, ended the plans and the dreams lovers were trying to build with each other.

As someone who has never been into a relationship I could not fathom a thing why people fell out of love, why things fell apart, why couples kept hurting each other. Is forever only an imaginary thing? I mean why someone kept hurting the one they loved?

This led me to ask more complicated questions. What's wrong with life?Why lovers couldn't keep up with each other. Why some are disloyal and unfaithful? Why someone needed to jilt the other person just because of a futile reason of not regularly seeing each other? Is it not part of maturity in a relationship to allow each other to breathe independently? That even if you're a couple, you need to grow as an individual? Is it not part of challenges in a relationship that they must overcome and resolve?

Three years sounded like ages. So much investment on emotions were at stake. The journey seemed too long to throw off memories. And for someone to turn away and jilt a lover for another  person sounded appalling, an ultimate betrayal.

I got to sympathize with him because he didn't deserve to be betrayed. Though he kept insisting I didn't know him yet on a more personal level. I could feel he is a good man, a  smart guy who deserves to be loved and respected. 

But, well, things happened.

If couples are working things out in a relationship and decided to bring it to the next chapter, the last thing that could happen is really to fall out of love. I mean feelings don't wither. It endures with the passing of time because true love perseveres.

It slowly grows. It evolves and develops as time progresses. It manifests respect and trust. It would never inflict pain to someone. And would never back down even during the stormy period of the relationship. It can wind off any kind of challenges along the way. Because genuine love is eternal and sublime.

Hearing breakups is terribly upsetting because it means someone needed to pass to a difficult road of healing. A journey that can make or break a person. Either help build a stronger self or trigger remorse,  depends on someone's ability to cope up with emotional devastation.

So for a couple of days, the plight of my friend's failed love became the center of my discernment process. Why breakup occurred? My brain wanted to find an exact answer, beyond the reasons of irreconcilable differences.

Then I figured, it ended because the relationship has reached its timeline. It ended because something better is about to begin on each of their life story. Perhaps, their fate has been designed to stop at that point and there's no way to pass into another intersection of life. It has come to an end. Their love story halted because it was not meant to continue.

It might be difficult to comprehend but sometimes circumstances needed to interfere to steer us to the right direction  where God wants us to grow as a person according to His master plan. To a better life with someone meant for us.

Breakup is a great message that must be understood. It is a worthy message to decode itself. It might be difficult to comprehend and accept but it has its own reason why it needed to occur. Everything happens for a reason and it is always for the best. Breakup is one way of telling the couple they are meant for someone else and not for themselves. Every circumstance has a purpose. Even the people we met.

We met people not by chance but by purpose. The purpose is either to teach us lessons or to add value into our lives. People who are just meant to teach us lessons are those who cannot be with us as we continue our journey in life, but those who are meant to add value into our lives are those who can endure the tumultuous journey and continue to be with us all along.

Perhaps his girlfriend only came into his life to teach him a lesson but not meant to be with him forever. A lesson for him to be stronger, to be tougher with times and to be cautious the moment he decides to enter into another relationship.

Thinking about him while listening to his story made me wonder how he really coped up with the loss, how he really accepted the circumstances. But the way he answered my questions meant he had passed the torment. No signs of remorse in his words, no manifestation of anger and regret. Perhaps, time helped him recovered. 

Still, I could not help but pondered on the amount of hurt he felt. I guess, the memories of torment for a wasted love is still there. Because a love that passed through long years is an emotional investment that could not just be dissolved with the closure of affection.

Though I could feel he has moved on, still the reminder of that lost love clings a bit. It's normal. And it takes a considerable period of time to get rid of the memories of the nurtured love. Because once in his life he cared for that someone. But whatever it is that made the circumstances a bit agonizing, life has to move on.

Fate always finds ways to unite two persons who are meant to travel in life together. Everyday offers hope of a beautiful tomorrow including meeting "the one". There's no exact season to fall in love. God makes all things possible and often gives us a beautiful story far better than what we have expected.

His plans are always better than ours. And we should never worry about looking for the perfect time to find love because God's time is always perfect. And love always finds ways. It will find us.

I also believed that the person we are going to marry is not the one we are madly in love with, but  just the person who is right there for the best reason, at the right place, at the right time.

With my friend's failed love story, I remember this beautiful quote on why God allow us to wait longer:

"When God know you are ready for the responsibility of commitment, He will reveal the right person for you under the right circumstances, so wait patiently, don't waste your time searching and wishing for someone to come into your life, grow and be ready, and you will see, God will give you a love story far better than what you've been dreaming"

And with this, I'm sending this open letter to my friend.

Hey, life can be tough at times. No one says it's easy. But all things shall come to pass. You are a good person who deserves the best. Just consider yourself as a multi-colored glass window with few patches where sunlight filters in exciting shades.

Staring at these shades and identifying its worth will provide you a good perspective of life in general and find your balance.

Just believe that you live in a certain form of wonders and behold, things flicker surprisingly. One of these days you will understand why things did not work out with you and that someone. Perhaps, God is preparing something better, a great life with a person who would love and cherish you.

Wonderful things await you on the other side of the road, just keep an eye on the things that your heart truly desires.

Life is a reflection. Whatever thoughts we fed into our subconscious become us. So feed your subconscious with positivism and humility. It will radiate in your personality and will shine to whoever you will encounter.

Someday, things will make sense. You only need to feel it by your heart and understand life's ups and downs to see things clearly. Don't worry about timing, because God's time is always perfect. Your life itself is a gift from God that must be cherished.

Happy Sunday!  😊