Don't Chase Someone Who Ghosted You

I've been through a lot of emotional kinks this year, trying to understand the complex world of relating, acquaintances, socializing and friendships.

There are situations that are completely new to me and I am trying my best to do some adjustments.

Then sometimes, I am stepping on the wrong path, wrong assumptions, perhaps because I am seeing things on a straight line, forgetting the fact that there are dangerous curve of dealing with different types of people.

Until the inevitable happened.

The hurts. The deep emotions. The silent torment of wanting things I could never have.

I figured, perhaps because I am forcing things to happen, I am in a hurry, I am rushing things up because I am scared I would never pass again at a certain moment where I am at my happiest, where I am able to see a different pattern of meeting people.

I always believe that when life offers a rare chance to experience the best days of life, we should grab it because finding great moments is very rare.

I might miss the opportunity of experiencing it again. Because for so long, I kept myself in a shell, I was always scared to try, to go out, to meet people, to mix with the crowd. And I let so many chances passed me by.

So when the opportunity came my way, I did not hesitate to jump off to see what's life beyond my fears and hesitations.

But as things went by, I found out that things are a bit complicated. It needs a wider understanding about life and drawing perspective and the courage to go through despite trials.

So in the process, I pushed myself to undergo a tumult  journey. 

Undergoing a form of contemplation,  evaluating my worth and reassessing my life goals, eventually made me understood my life purpose. And accepted the fact that there are things that I cannot force to happen.

That there are things that need to let it flow. Then I eventually came up with a realization that I should never chase people who ignored me. I should never run after them.

Ahh, ghosting! This word seems to be a controversial term lately, referring to a situation where a person suddenly deserted someone, cutting-off the communication, turning down everything without any explanation.

Simply, the other party just stopped talking. I could not believe it would dwell upon me one day,

But it's always subjective. I mean the ghosting thing is always subjective and depends on one's idea of deserting people.

Sometimes, it is not how we perceive it that way, sometimes it depends on why people turn away. Perhaps it is on how they see things.

However, whatever the circumstances of "ghosting" someone, the effect of it is not usually healthy mentally and emotionally.

There's this eternal question lurking in our mind, what happened, why it turned everything that way, why suddenly the rotation of the universe changed.

But we cannot force people to explain. They don't owe us any explanation. The only thing we can do is accept whatever the current situation is dealing us.

And never pressure people to explain as though it is an obligation by them to do so.

After several days of wondering what happened, I came across with the same article in Thought Catalog about why we should never chase someone who ghosted us,

The following points are what I have learned:

At one point, things can be confusing. You feel like being close to someone, even if the other party never saw it that way.

You just feel like you have this instant connection, a smooth attachment, a mysterious bond, a kind of connection that only you could understand.

Then you feel this deliberate instinct to bridge the communication, to stay connected desperately, to reach out constantly because you do not want to lose it.

You feel the necessity to nurture it because it is the only thing that brightens up your day, a situation where you could feel you've got a place in this world.

But the other party just couldn't return the favor and ultimately cut you off from his or her life. Remember that silence is a message too. So just understand the message. That it is time to give up.

We deserve to be treated right. If someone started ghosting you that means they never treated you right.

So stop running after them. You deserve better than the ignoring game. Because people do not need to be chased.

If they are meant to stay in your life. It will happen. If not then no amount of kindness and loyalty can ever change their mind.

If ghosting happens between two persons who are once maintained a warm connection, that means you know where you stand in that someone's priority list.

It only means your company is no longer needed, perhaps the other person is not enjoying it and prefer someone else.

So regardless of how much you like to be with him or her you should learn where to put yourself. Think for your mental and emotional health. A one-sided situation can mentally destroy you..

They are not going to change their mind. Note that when someone likes to be with you, nothing can stop them, but when they exhibit a certain manifestation that they do not like your company no one can change their mind. Chasing them isn’t worth the distress and time. It only adds to miseries and hurts everyday. So let it go.

Stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. The book which eventually became a movie, "He is not just into you" fits very well with this situation.

Do not find excuses with their actions or justify their "ghosting": Maybe they’ve been swamped up with work. 

Maybe they had a family emergency. Maybe they're afraid to take things to the next level. Maybe they got into an accident themselves. 

If any of these things happened to them, they would still get back to you after a few weeks.

If they don’t bother to reconnect, it's a manifestation that they do not like to be in your world. Stop the chase. Save yourself from further heartaches.

We miss them a lot. Yes, there are times that we will miss those moments, the conversations, the laughter, the great moments, especially if the bond already ran deep.

So there are times that you wish you can talk or reconnect or get in touch again with them.

But ghosting hurts and there is nothing cute in heartaches. It is a wake up call that this person is not willing to invest time with you. 

We should never chase after someone who does not feel like hanging out with us. The action already shows it so why force the circumstances to bend on your wishes?

Someday, someone will cross your path and treat you right, the way you deserve to be treated.

Just be thankful that once in your lifetime you met this person. Meeting people is not just an accident, there's a purpose.

So just think of the purpose it gives to your life. Perhaps, they are trying to give you a lesson to learn from the complex world of relating.