Having a toxic friend is mentally irritating. It ruins our day and depletes our energy.
Are you in a toxic friendship?
Ever have that friend who is needy, clingy, demanding, possessive, begging for attention and too many drama when you can't reply their messages? Then you have a toxic friend.
And it's annoying.
Yes, friendship can be a source of comfort, an important social aspect. They can inspire us to keep things moving when life hits us low.
But if that friendship starts to become controlling, demanding and never respect boundaries, it can be downright annoying that drives us away.
Attention-seeking friends
Attitude of friendship varies, depends on the maturity level of that person. And there are really attention-seeking friends that ruin our day. It's because the dynamic of adult friendship is very complex.
Adult friendship is sometimes very complicated. It takes maturity to understand its complexity.
It's because when we reached adulthood, we have already defined our individuality, we know when is the time to be chatty, when is the time to be with ourselves without intruders.
As we mature, we crave more time for ourselves, we want silence and more "me time". We can no longer tolerate clingy people.
There are times that we do not want to be disturbed, we do not want noise. We do not want to talk to people because we want to focus on other things.
It's our right to keep quiet. It's our right to remain silent. It's our right to keep our distance if we feel we need to.
We control our own space, we are in charge of our own time and no one has the right to badger us every now and then to talk to them.
We will talk to people if it is necessary. But no one has the right to pester us why we have not spoken to them.
People should respect our choice of space and silence. That's very basic.
But there are immature, insecure people who fret and throw tantrums if they cannot have our attention.
Attention-seeking friends who pestered us with a barrage of pathetic messages if we cannot reply or choose not to reply.
If you've that kind of friends in your circle, then you're in a toxic friendship.
What is a toxic friend?
According to an expert, toxic friends are those who stress us out and make things more irritating and draining than they should be.
They deplete our energy more than uplift us. They have too many drama if we cannot reply to their messages. They are possessive and constantly begging for attention.
That kind of friend drives us away.
A toxic friend makes us regret the time we welcome them in our circle. It never helps us anything, in fact, a toxic friendship can even make our day ultra draining.
It happens to me recently.
I've this friend who kept pestering me, sending me a barrage of messages either in Facebook or through text, demanding me to reply, throwing tantrums to get noticed.
It really pissed off my day because it started to become nasty, sending me sour-graping messages.
"Did you block me already?", "why you did not reply?", "I have something to say?", "You're online but why you won't reply?".
Oh God! It really got into my nerve and hit me roof with irritation. No one among my friends, former colleagues or even my family ever badgered me with barrage of messages if I can't reply to their text or chat.
It really pissed me off that I thoroughly ignored the messages. I hate people who demand. I am not used to friends who are clingy, needy and possessive.
I am busy and no time for too many drama, sour-graping friends.
I am so annoyed I deliberately cut off my connection with that person. I don't need that kind of friendship in my life.
It's mentally exhausting. And I don't want so many stress and distressing episodes in my life. I have so many things to do everyday.
I controlled my own time. I valued my independence and if there is someone who will attempt to cross boundaries, it is time to cut them off.
I hate people who never respect my choice of silence and space.
At first, it was just subtle. Like, why you have not replied? Why it took too long for you to reply? Did you block me? Something like that.
Okay, so I replied that I'm busy.
But then messages became rampant and all laced with possessiveness and tantrums. Cringy!I don't have time for needy people.
Not all the time we are available for chitchat with our friends. Especially if it is not necessary. And hell! If it is important then say it right away, and not passed through many hyperbole.
I don't have time for things that stress me out. And I hope people will understand that in life, there are moments that we want to be alone, we want space and we do not want to be disturbed.
But a toxic friend makes our day hard by sending us demanding messages that we need to talk to them or reply them. And so if I don't?
I don't have time for that kind of friend. Possessive and ultra annoying.
So, it is important to choose our friend wisely, never stuck in a situation where you constantly fret because someone is pestering you to get your attention.
Avoid them. Get rid of them. We are better off without these type of toxic people.
Here are signs of a toxic friend
1. Demanding of our time - One obvious sign of having a toxic friend is the subtle demand of time.
They will demand time and seek attention as if we don't have other things to attend and we must be ready anytime they want to talk to us.
"You're online but why you would not reply?" Oh, God! So why if I don't? These are people who never know how to respect boundaries in friendship.
2. Too many drama if we can't reply - Yeah, ever heard that friend who resorts to a self-pity and sour-graping behavior if we cannot reply them right away?
Stuff like "did you block me already?", "you're ignoring me" . Geeez! So clingy and needy. Purely insecurity and it's mentally annoying.
According to Psychologist, Perpetua Neo, "Drama is a very big thing when we are talking about toxic friends. They suck up by being this sad creature who pester us to give them attention. They will badger us with pathetic messages that we need to reply as if it's our obligation to listen to them all the time. And if they cannot get what they want from us (a message reply for instance), they will kick up a storm".
And began to sour-grape by sending us annoying messages, nudging us to reply. And if not? Will really pester us with too many drama of chat and text why we're not able to reply.
As if we owe them an explanation. Pathetic! And mentally exasperating.
3. Possessive - This is not only a sign of insecurity but being possessive also a borderline of an obsessive behavior. And it really hits our nerve.
A possessive friend will demand our time as if we are there 24 hours for them. Begging attention, sending us pitiful messages that require us to connect with them.
It's a controlling behavior and it's suffocating in friendship. It makes us to drift apart from them and walk away in friendship.
4. They cross boundaries - Meaning they never respect our choice of silence and need of space.
According to Psychologist, Perpetua Neo from Business Insider, "Toxic people do incredibly inappropriate things anytime of the day, they may send you messages to call you because they need to say something (why the hell they just can't say what they need to say while sending these messages?).
They won't listen if you tell them you're busy, you're doing other stuff, you're focusing on more important things.
They'll make you feel mean if you would not reply or feel like you're abandoning them if you push back. Gosh! Very toxic.
In other words, a toxic friend has no respect for your space.
5. Obsessively Needy
A toxic friend is obsessively needy according to Neo. "They want your time, they need your attention. So they will text you all the time and expect a reply.
Even if you say you're going to be really busy over the next six hours, they still send you successive messages requiring you to give them attention.
And if you do not reply? They will kick up a storm telling you some crazy drama, "you're ignoring me", "you're online but you would not reply". So toxic!
It really got into the nerve
I have never been so annoyed in friendship than this recent encounter. It really got into my nerve.
I am not used to friends who constantly question why I did not bother to reply or why I am not giving them attention.
Then send me tons of pitiful messages. Such behavior in friendship is so disturbing. And I don't need that kind of friendship in my life.
How to get rid of toxic friendship
Toxic friendship can really be annoying. It ruins our day and depletes our energy. If ever you have that kind of friend, it's time to reassess the situation.
If it does not help you in many aspects and continue to wreck your day, it is time to take drastic measures of getting rid of them.
You are better off without them.
1. Stop connecting - the most drastic approach to get rid of a toxic friend is to stop connecting. May it be in social media or other means of communication.
2. Avoid them - If you don't have any reason to see each other everyday, then good. You can avoid them at all cost and never ever cross lines with them again. Ever.
3. Keep your distance- The most practical way of cutting off toxic friends is keeping quiet and keeping distance. Let them feel the obvious that you don't like to be with them.
A Reminder
We do not own people. We should never control them. We should not demand with their time. We need to respect boundaries.
And if they cannot reply to your messages, they may have reasons why. They might too busy (like me) to take your call (if it's not between life and death then why fret?) or chat you.
We never own their time. Whatever it is, it's their option. Be a mature person. And stop throwing tantrums.
Respect people's choice of silence.
We need space. We need to be alone from time to time. We need to be quiet in one corner. We crave for silence, for quietness, for calmness. Our friends need to understand and respect it.
In other words, DO NOT CROSS BOUNDARIES.
We just cannot demand attention from everyone. And it's none of our business to question their choice of silence.
Sometimes, it is our possessiveness and too many drama that drive people away.
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